"There is a time limit as to how long you can chase your dreams. But never one on how to lead them. " - Thuy Vo

I think swallowing pride is one of the biggest things I have yet to learn. Accepting the steps that I must take, seem so much more work and effort. I have moments in which I just want to throw up the white flag and say "to hell with it." I'm tired. Truly I am. I'm hating every moment I have to live through what I am right now. I don't want to regret anything, but I can't accept it either. And it's tearing me apart. I keep counseling myself, saying it will be alright. Just a year. I would be fine. But I can already see the fall outs, the usual bad things coming towards my way. It's ashame. Truly it is. The disappointment continues to claw at my heart. But I won't give up. I never had, and I never will. I completely refuse. I may have been knocked off my high horse. But that won't change. I will no longer chase after my dreams, destiny had done its placement. Now it's my turn to take my fate into my own hands and lead my future.

Final decisions

There are no limits to the endless sky

There is no say in how much you can reach

What only matters is how you go and approach it

How you see to it, and how far it takes you

Make every footstep count

Make every breathtake worth it

Let the deepths of the footprints last

Each step holds a new meaning

Nothing should ever hold you back

Keep reach into that endless field

Because only you can see for the future of tomorrow.

Stressing.

It's the end of the road.

I have yet to make my decisions.

Indecisions, indecisions. What am I to do?

Go with my heart, go with my mind. Or go for the sake of the future?

I'm walking two roads, this never ending line.

I'm stepping out of place.

I'm taking my sample of freedom.

First breath, and I'm not sure if I like it.

At least not yet.

I'm not sure how ready I am.

Or am I still afraid.

Afraid of the changes that will come, that already is and had.

I'm looking at blank pieces of paper.

Trying to put the correct puzzles back into place.

My heart is so heavy..

And I'm ending this in tears.

Where should I go, how do I start.

Am I running into this blind,

Or have I just started to see the light?

This mind is in chaos.

Just as the heart is in heeps of trouble.

One wrong move, and it can cost deadly.

But which one is the wrong and which is the right.

Give me a sign.

Write me a note.

Tell me please.

What is this little one, about to do?

Forgiveness

One of the greatest gift in life is to learn how to forgive.

Forgiving is the act of giving in and letting go of a certain strong feeling that you held. At least that's what it feels like to me. I don't know to be humored by this, or cry. This act of forgiveness sounds so easy, yet.. it's probably one of the hardest things a human being has to do in my eyes. Because to forgive, it comes with the words forget. In my eyes, if you forgive someone, and not forget it, you're never truly forgiving them. You're still holding something, a small piece of that will always be with you. It's not a clean piece of meat that you can cut away and toss if you choose to ever do so.

Today, while laying in the grass on the hill at the quad of my school, with 6th period almost half done, I see a girl. A girl, one from my past, one that I had swore to always remember no matter how long it was. She's changed, and certainly I have changed. She was someone who I felt disgusted with knowing the pains and troubles she caused myself in my younger days. But looking at her today, hearing that she has a wedding in two weeks, and soon due in May with her baby...I just can't find the hate in me. I couldn't stand her back then, I probably still can't now, but somehow, I still wish she finds that happiness.

Everyone deserves to be happy, depending on what mistakes they have made in their lifetime. Young girls do stupid things. Human beings are suckers to being stupid. And I wonder, with the other people in my life, when will I get a chance to look at them, and come to terms with myself. Terms stating, it's time to let go & forgive. And simply to lose those memories. They seem so hard and unbelievable now. But after seven years, and I'm able to come at peace and silently wish my once enemy a happy life. Then I'm confident that one day I will for those that I once loved so dearly, it will just take time. Possibly a long time. But, hope.

Love Always,
Thuy a.k.a Angel

Finals. School. Life.

Life is so busy.

At least that's how it feels as of late.

College, love, life, and school all mixed into one big blender. Finals is two days away, and I'm so unsure about this gamble. Well at least the gamble of my two last classes of the day. I'm taking time out today to write a little blog to organize my thoughts for a bit. I feel so tired. I'm pretending not to be stress at the time being, so I can just get through it all.

I wish for spring break to come already...except, I'm still stuck with work even then. lol. How sad? My life is reduced to school work, remembering to balance a healthy relationship, making deadlines for colleges, biting back at dino-parents who are out for my blood when I can't design their senior ads a certain way. Sheesh, I'm human, give me a break please. I have a life in between all that, add on volunteering every two weeks or so. Gladly I have not knocked out with a cold or something. Hmmm, I don't k now what else to do at the moment. Surely not that AP Stats packet, or better yet four last chapters ... ehh... well I'd say 3 and 3/4's chapter left more like. The book 'First Fruit' seems so boring to read. But not as boring as 'The Stranger'. Both too religious in some form of my taste. Understanding a religion is hard on it's own, but feeling like the book is trying to make you believe in the religion itself is too much. At least to me.

Finals, "AHHHHH." Yeap. Talk about death note right there. Hoping with all my heart I will pass, even if I have to crawl across the line. >:[ lol. What an unhappy feeling that is. I'm staying up late too much as of late. That's highly unhealthy, plus that fact that I'm too busy during school to eat and everything. Anyway, this moment of escape needs to be cut short. I need to get back to reality and finish this pile of consuming work.

Love Always,
Thuy a.k.a Angel